Christians like to say they are “born again.” And a lot of people tend to snicker and roll their eyes when they hear that. It sounds like the proclamation of someone who would knock on your door, unsolicited, and try to evangelize you.
Well, I gave up Christianity after my youth, and I hate door-to-door evangelizers. But in October 2023, I had a “born again” experience. And I can attest that it was mind-blowing and intense and left me feeling awed.
My experience wasn’t the result of having a televangelist lay hands on my head, or a preacher baptise me in a river. Rather, it happened during a trip on magic mushrooms.
I had signed up to take psilocybin facilitated by a counselor, Carolyn, who happens to live in my neighborhood.
It was a Saturday, and Carolyn had meticulously prepared for me and another woman to take our “trips” in her lovely, sunny living room. She had put sheets and blankets on two couches and decorated her coffee table with spiritual symbols and candles and flowers. We discussed our dosages one final time and helped Carolyn measure out our dried mushrooms on a special gram scale. Then she made us each a mushroom tea, and we sat on our couches, drank our tea and talked about our intentions for our trips. My intention was to “trust and let go.”
I was nervous and could feel my heart thumping in my chest.
In about 15 to 20 minutes, I felt very strange, and a heaviness descended on my body. There was no way I could keep sitting up, so I laid down on my couch and pulled the blanket over my head.
Intense sensations came on strong and fast.
First, I felt a strong pressure on the left side of my face.
Carolyn peaked under my blanket. “How are you doing?” she asked.
“The whole left side of my face feels like it’s in a vice grip.”
“Well, just trust and let go. You’ll be fine,” she said. And smiled at me with her distorted, melting face as she put the blanket back over my head.
Then, my ears were filled with the most strident, scary music.
Carolyn had selected a playlist of beautiful classical music for our trip. But in my psyche I was hearing a loud noise, kind of light a freight train, and it was getting louder and coming closer. The sound was so dramatic and demanding. Later, I likened it to the Sorcerer’s Apprentice where all the broomsticks are carrying water buckets, faster and faster.
On top of the physical pressure on my face and the frightening sounds, I was seeing a bunch of shapes and colors in my mind’s eye. The colors weren’t happy Easter-egg colors. They were reds, browns and dark oranges, swirling in patterns. Some of the patterns were angular, like triangles. Others were more like a passageway with ribs and ridges.
As you can tell, there was a lot of stuff going on, and it wasn’t rainbows and roses. I had the presence of mind to keep saying my mantra: Trust and let go, trust and let go.
During the height of it all, it would suddenly stop for a few seconds. And then it would all start up again.
I don’t recall how all the drama ended.
But it did.
And what a relief.
Then I found myself in a comfortable mind space. And I kept saying my mantra. After a time, I realized that I could not totally trust and let go in my mind because I was worried I would stop breathing. I felt a strong need to be very vigilant about remembering to breathe.
I thought, “Man, this is exhausting to constantly have to do this.”
After a while, that phase of the trip subsided as well. And I just laid curled up under my blanket and felt total euphoria. My mind was empty of all its usual thoughts. I could hear the music, and it was so beautiful. I could hear Carolyn talking softly with my fellow tripper, and I didn’t try to comprehend what they were saying. It just felt so comfortable to know that people were there in the room with me. The beautiful sunlight filtered through the blanket over my head. Tears flowed out of my eyes for reasons unknown. And I smiled a lot and chuckled to myself.
After hours had passed – time means nothing on mushrooms – I roused myself from my reverie. Carolyn gave me some water and fruit, which tasted so delicious. Eventually, I was steady enough on my feet to walk home, where I rested for the evening.
It didn’t hit me until the next day.
I experienced my own birth.
I tried to take it easy that Sunday and spent a lot of time walking in the park, just musing to myself, “Oh my gosh” and smiling.
I now have a whole new respect for being born again.
I don’t know if this is what Jesus was referring to or not.
I’m so glad I experienced it.
