The headline of one of my previous posts — “How Zen screwed me over” — sums up much of my experience with Zen.
However, the spiritual practice wasn’t all bad for me. For one thing, it taught discipline. And I was able to tap that discipline for a great experience giving birth to my daughter.
My former Zen teacher once said that some people throughout history have experienced spontaneous enlightenment, and it’s been sparked by different circumstances for men and women.
Some men have reported mystical enlightenment experiences during fierce fighting on the battlefield. Facing death triggered bliss and cosmic understanding.
For some women, childbirth caused a spontaneous enlightenment experience.
I can’t help but note that men’s experience comes from destruction and women’s from creation.
Alas.
In any event, when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2000, I was still a Zen student, and I decided to go the natural childbirth route. Perhaps I could finally get enlightened this way!
I did a ton of reading about natural childbirth and watched reality programs on The Learning Channel about couples and their birthing experiences. My husband Dennis and I also took Lamaze classes, which I have to say were kind of a waste.
The best resource was the book “Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way.” Its message was right in line with Zen because it taught me to go straight into the pain.
This is a very different approach than most hospital births in the U.S. where childbirth is treated like a medical emergency rather than a natural process. According to Yale Medicine, more than 70% of women in the U.S. receive an epidural when giving birth. And doctors seem to prefer this because it puts them in full control.
But I was determined to give birth naturally. The more I read about it, the more I realized that birth is a big life event. Not only was I hoping for some deep spiritual experience, but I realized how a peaceful, natural birth could be important for the baby as well.
Birth is cosmic stuff. So is death.
Unfortunately, in the U.S. we don’t respect that at all. We turn it into a Henry Ford assembly-line, Sigma Six Black Belt efficiency process where some private equity company can cash out big profits.
For my part, I chose a hybrid approach where I wanted natural birth but also the safety net of American medicine. I went to a regular doctor for my prenatal checkups. But I selected the practice’s midwife to deliver my baby in a hospital. And my husband was under strict orders to advocate for me on the big day and make it clear I didn’t want medical intervention unless there was a real emergency.
He was kind of worried. Not only for the health of me and the baby (as most fathers are). But he was also worried that he might have to fight the medical system.
The night before Anna’s birth was a full moon, and we ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner.
At about 5 am I woke with some cramps. I got out of bed and went downstairs and called my midwife. She asked me to time the contractions. They were 3 minutes apart! I wasn’t going to be one of those women who’s in labor for 72 hours. I woke my husband and said it was time to go to the hospital.
“Do you want to walk around the block for a while?” he asked innocently because all the books said labor would take a long time and walking was good.
“God no! I can barely stand up!” I said.
We went to the car and my contractions were so strong I decided to crouch in the back seat because it was more comfortable.
As we got near the hospital, Dennis pulled into a 7-Eleven parking lot, and I could tell he was confused and had forgotten which way to go. I sat up in the backseat and gave directions. When we got to the hospital, he ran to the check-in desk while I kneeled on the ground in the waiting room with my head on a chair.
Finally, they brought a wheelchair and got us to our birthing room.
But things went sideways immediately. Hospital nurses started putting sensors on me and connecting me to monitors. Dennis and I both said “We want natural childbirth,” but they ignored us and kept doing their things. One nurse was on a computer asking dumb questions like “What is your name, birthdate, insurance company” when we had already provided all this information in advance several times.
What an American nightmare.
I was never so happy as when my beautiful midwife appeared in the doorway. She calmly told the nurses that I was going to do natural childbirth. She had them disconnect the monitors, and she provided information for their intake forms.
Meanwhile, I had been trying to go into the pain, but it was difficult with all the questions and chaos.
When things calmed down, the midwife said there was a large whirlpool in my birthing suite and she asked if I wanted to sit in it for a while. Normally, I don’t care about tubs or whirlpools at all. But spontaneously, this sounded like a great idea. So Dennis and the midwife helped me into the whirlpool.
This is the good part.
I sat in that whirlpool for the better part of my labor. And it was finally quiet except for the soothing sound of the whirlpool jets and the water bubbling. I closed my eyes and the contractions would come and squeeze my insides like a vise. But I put all my concentration on the contractions. I became completely absorbed in the contractions.
The concentration caused my mind to empty of all thoughts. Labor is very demanding. The contractions come faster and faster and they get progressively stronger. In order to keep concentrating only on the sensations, there simply isn’t time for thoughts.
I didn’t really feel pain. I felt strong physical sensations that I had never felt before.
The experience was, dare I say, awesome.
Ultimately, my midwife wanted me out of the tub to check my dilation.
I was at a 10.
There was a transitional period — kind of like the eye of a hurricane — where labor is done but before pushing is required.
The whole process was very fast for me, and I was mostly in a place of inner calm.
Anna was born, and Dennis cut the umbilical cord like a pro.
I had finally done a Zen-like practice successfully. All it took was the extreme demands of childbirth to totally concentrate my mind on one thing.
