An astrology reading motivated me to take a guided mushroom trip in April 2024. I had wanted to take a psilocybin trip again, but the guided ones are expensive, and I was hesitant to spend the money.
But then, I received an astrology reading, indicating I was on the precipice of a change in my career. I interpreted it to mean that I was about to enter the third stage of my career, which would involve writing about things I’m passionate about. I decided to sign up for the guided mushroom trip because that’s the type of thing I want to write about.
Prior to the trip, the guide, Carolyn, held two preparatory sessions where I and the other woman taking a trip discussed our intentions. My intention was to experience more joy in my life.
Mushrooms are tricksters, so I knew my intention didn’t necessarily mean my trip would be joyful. Although I crossed my fingers that it would be.
Haha!
I decided to take 3 grams of dried mushrooms. Carolyn measured the powder on a precise gram scale and then put the powder in a cup and poured hot water over it. I added some chopped ginger to my mushroom tea to prevent nausea. I also chewed and swallowed some of the fresh ginger just to be on the safe side. I really don’t like nausea. We waited for 15 minutes for our teas to steep. And then drank.
Mushrooms come on fast and strong for me. Within about 15 minutes after drinking, I felt that lead-heavy feeling and laid down and pulled my blanket over my head.
Similar to my other four trips, the mushrooms immediately pulled me down some tunnel with a loud whooshing sound in my ears and the thought in my head, “Oh shit, here we go, and there’s no turning back.”
My heart beat insanely fast.
I was immediately taken to a place that looked like shattered stained glass or like a Picasso painting where everything was chopped into pieces. The colors were harsh and bright — reds, yellows, blacks. The feeling of the place was unfriendly, impersonal and cold.
It was very unpleasant. I felt like my own mind was shattered. I couldn’t focus on anything. I felt crazy.
Although I felt kind of insane, there was still a part of my regular personality in the background saying, “This is so unpleasant. Why did I do this? I never want to do this again.”
Experienced mushroom trippers say that you should never resist anything on a trip. If you see a door, go through it. If you see a staircase, climb it. But my experience didn’t present any options. Everything was just happening. And I was being swept along for the ride whether I liked it or not. I was completely untethered.
It was so cold and clinical in this place, the thought crossed my mind that I had been abducted by aliens. Not a fun place.
Eventually, that all subsided. Then the laughing fits started. And that was a great relief.
Sometimes a funny thought would occur to me, and I’d laugh. But sometimes it was just causeless laughing. And I couldn’t tell if I was laughing out loud, or too loud or if it was all in my head. Never mind though, it was a lot of fun to laugh, and it felt so good — like energy that needed to move.
Unfortunately, like life in general, the good times didn’t last. And I began to feel nauseous.
Up to this point, I had my eyes closed and my blanket pulled over my head. But I started to feel sick and had to sit up. Luckily, the guide was experienced, and she had a couple of buckets available. I was terribly disoriented but somehow managed to say, “Carolyn, I need a bucket!”
Once again I was saying to myself, “This is so unpleasant. Why did I do this? I never want to do this again.”
Not only do I hate nausea, but being sick on mushrooms is so much worse because of the visions and colors.
I was only able to throw up once. I still had enough of a sense of humor to note that the only thing in my stomach was the ginger I had chewed to prevent nausea.
But after emptying my stomach I continued to have dry heaves. I would be sitting up and then a wave would overcome me and I’d throw my head over the bucket again.
Carolyn sat next to me and stroked my back. She said, “You’re doing great.” And I thought, “You call this doing great?”
And she said, “Just go ahead and let it out.” And I thought, “Let what out?”
The nausea seemed to last forever. But it finally subsided.
And then there was an afterglow period where I just closed my eyes under my blanket and had a quiet mind. I continued to have a lot of jerks in my solar plexus region. And I sighed a lot. These are all typical physical sensations for people on mushrooms. It’s just energy moving and releasing.
Eventually, my fellow tripper and I sat up and ate some fruit. We talked a little with Carolyn and then left.
I walked home and lay down in bed. Everything looked ugly to me. The walls and the paint color on the walls seemed icky. My husband had made vegetarian chili, and I ate a small bowl.
I wasn’t really tired to go to bed, but I had no energy to do anything. It was a restless night, and I continued to have mild convulsions and a lot of exhaling.
The following day, a Sunday, I took it easy and wrote in my journal. I wondered why I had asked for joy, but instead got all the crazy shit that happened.
And then…
On Monday, I woke up feeling fantastic. I woke at about 5 am, and I felt of lot of energy in my solar plexus just pulsing in the most pleasant way. A cool breeze was blowing through the window, and the sunlight was very soft and beautiful. I just lay in bed from 5-6:30 feeling the energy moving and smiling and saying, “Thank you for the healing.”
On the spur of the moment, I decided to call in sick to work. This goes against my grain because I’m always a good little employee, and I don’t mind my work. But it suddenly seemed very important to fully wallow in this amazing energy. It was a wonderful day, where I took a long walk in the park and just felt good.
You could even say I felt joyful.
That evening I went to Carolyn’s house for our post-trip integration session. After I told the story of my trip, I asked what the scary, lonely place had meant and why I needed to go there. Carolyn said perhaps it wasn’t important to attach a meaning to it.
She said, “When you expand your range of emotions it goes in both directions: more joy and also the shadow side of joy.”
I think that was a pretty wise explanation.
